Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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