I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
