I wish I could punch you in the face.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
