I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
