it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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