and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
