i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just pee around me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
