Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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