woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
