Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
