meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
