Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
