What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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