I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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