tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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