The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We got so high we made milksteak
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize