dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
