Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Found your dick twin last night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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