WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
