My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
