I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
