Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
