she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
