idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
