Say something about gay babies.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
