Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
