Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
