they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
