Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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