Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
