Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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