The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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