I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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