just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
