Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
