i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
