btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
