When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize