Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
