is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
