How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
