He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We had to coat check the pizza.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
