I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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