my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
