drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
