Cold hands, warm shart.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
