Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
