i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
