the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
