I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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