So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
