I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
