i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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