You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
