the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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