I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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