Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
