I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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