I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
