Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
