Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
