nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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