How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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