yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
