3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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