why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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