Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
