I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
