I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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